A timely reminder that even people that seem similar are not exactly alike.

About three months into the pandemic, I started to walk. My gym was closed, and our kitchen pantry way too close to my home office. Getting 10K steps in before the workday begins is my only chance of slowing the scale’s relentless march upward. I have my route for home, but I go into the office in Westport, CT, one day a week. Every time I am there, I look for new and interesting paths in and around the river. 

The Westport public library created a “story walk.” They copied and laminated The Giving Tree pages by Shel Silverstein and placed them on a series of posts, two at a time, along a lovely path stretching around their property. I found myself filled with nostalgic optimism as I walked through the story of the selfish boy and the selfless tree. By the time I reached the end of the trail, I had memorialized the moment with a reasonably innocuous Facebook post. 

That’s when the fun began. While the first two comments were positive, the third one, from an elementary school classmate of mine, said:” Not so sure the other trees are thrilled that this is the book chosen to represent them.” 

“Ok,” I thought, this guy is an attorney, probably just trying to make a point. Then, a second friend from the same school gave HIM the thumbs up. That’s when the criticism got rolling. She then posted that the walk was an excellent idea but the book???? 

Emboldened by our mutual friend, Hater # 1 went for it. “Yeah, It’s a S**T book.” 

There was a bit more back and forth between them and positive comments by others who lauded the book and loved the idea of the story walk. In the end, they were the only ones to post their disdain, although I now believe that others may have wanted to join them.

I will admit that their reactions annoyed me at first. To me, this was a clear case of “you people don’t get it: The story is about the Tree, not the Boy.” Its servant leadership 101. I guess they probably hated Herman Hesse’s, A Journey To The East as well. 

I was ready to respond away with some incredibly snarky remarks when I remembered the 24-hour rule. I would let it simmer and see if my annoyance increased or decreased. It took less than 45 seconds to change my perspective. 

The moment I entered Giving Tree into Google, hoping for facts I could use to support my argument that my old schoolmates were wrong (and deficient as people), I got a surprise. The first search hit was (as is so often the case) the thumbnail description from Wikipedia. Imagine my horror when the second paragraph of The Giving Tree page read: 

“This book has been described as “one of the most divisive books in children’s literature”; the controversy stems from whether the relationship between the main characters (a boy and the eponymous tree) should be interpreted as positive (i.e., the tree gives the boy selfless love) or negative (i.e., the boy and the tree have an abusive relationship)” 

The moment I read this, I was no longer annoyed. I was reminded of something I regularly apply in business. When you group people (consumers or customers) into segments, you must remind yourself that these segments are conditional, contextual, and specific. Believing that you can accurately and broadly define someone across the myriad of their beliefs and behaviors is not only ineffective, but you also miss the opportunity to understand them. Anyone who has gotten a poorly targeted ad in a social feed because we bought a gift for someone else knows this.

In this case, if you were looking from the outside, you would see me and:

• Two other white people

• The same age (I share a birthday week with one of them)

• With the same elementary and middle school education experience

• Living within 100 miles of each other

• In similar family structures

• And socio-economic conditions

Who strongly disagree with the key message of a book that has less than 1000 words.

I never posted a snarky response. But just in case they see this. I offer a different sample of Shel Silverstein’s writing as an olive branch to all, regardless of your feelings towards The Giving Tree.

Invitation

By Shel Silverstein

If you are a dreamer, come in 

If you are a dreamer, a wisher, a liar, 

A hope-er, a pray-er, a magic bean buyer… 

If you’re a pretender, come sit by the fire. 

For we have some flax-golden tales to spin. 

Come in! Come in!

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